The first time I heard “Get a sponsor,” I thought it was just another AA formality. Like a box to check off so I could say I was doing the program. But I learned quickly that sponsorship is one of the most powerful tools for staying sober. Our own best decisions got us into this mess—what makes us think we can get out of it on our own? We need a sponsor. They guide us through the Steps and show us how to live differently.

When I was new, I had no idea what I was doing. I didn’t know what kind of meetings to go to, what books to read, or even how to pray. My sponsor gave me direction at a time when my own thinking was still dangerous. He told me to call him every day. He told me to get to meetings early, sit in the front, and stay after to help. He gave me sections of the Big Book to read and asked me what I got out of them. None of that was complicated, but it was life-saving. The truth is, I didn’t need a lecture—I needed someone who had walked this path before and could show me where to put my feet next.

One of the most valuable things a sponsor does is walk us through the Steps. I didn’t need more theories about how to live better. I needed to take action. My sponsor didn’t just talk about the Steps; he sat down with me and went through them. He shared his own experience with each one, the failures and the victories, so I knew I wasn’t alone. He kept me accountable when I wanted to drift. And when I got caught up in self-pity or fear, he reminded me of the principles we’re supposed to practice: honesty, humility, faith, and service.

I remember early on, I asked someone at a meeting, “What if I pick the wrong sponsor?” That person just laughed and said, “The only wrong sponsor is no sponsor.” That stuck with me.

So how do you choose a sponsor? Look for someone who sounds like they’re living in the Steps, not just talking about them. Listen in meetings: do they talk about their sponsor? Do they mention taking others through the Steps? Do they share about using the principles of the program to solve everyday problems? Are they consistent about showing up? When you see someone like that, the process is simple. All you have to do is ask, “Will you be my sponsor?” That question might feel intimidating, but most people in AA are honored to be asked.

What I’ve also learned is that sponsors don’t stop being important ever. In early recovery, I needed help with obvious things—how to get through the day without drinking, how to start cleaning up the wreckage of the past. But as time went on, new challenges came up. Getting married. Going through a divorce. Facing the loss of loved ones. Taking new jobs and handling responsibilities I never thought I’d have sober. A sponsor helped me walk through those things without going back to old habits. He saw blind spots in me that I couldn’t see in myself, even after years sober. The relationship changes, but the need for guidance never goes away.

Eventually, the gift of sponsorship turns around. One day I realized I wasn’t just the one calling for help—I was the one answering the phone. Sponsorship became a way for me to give back what had been given so freely to me. The first time I sat across from a guy on Step One, I realized just how much my sponsor had poured into me. And as I walked him through the Steps, I felt my own recovery strengthen. Sponsoring someone else isn’t about being perfect—it’s about sharing honestly and walking side by side. It saves their life, but it keeps saving mine, too.

Sponsorship is the heartbeat of AA. It’s one alcoholic helping another, keeping the chain unbroken. It’s not just for newcomers—it’s for life. If you don’t have a sponsor, don’t wait. Find someone who’s living in the Steps and ask the question. That simple action could change everything.

There’s lots of AA meetings available to attend in-person or virtually. If you’re struggling with drinking, seek out the help you need, you can’t do it on your own. I know I couldn’t do it on my own and still can’t.

Find a sponsor that will take you through the steps as outlined in the book. You’ll see more of the truth about who you are and eventually it’ll change your life.

Change Your Truth, Change Your Life.

Haler Smith